


The Story of Her - 1987

by FennigBlue



Category: Original Work
Genre: Agony, F/M, Feelings, Friendship, Loss, Mental Illness, Mentions of Suicide, Pain, Sadness, Short Story, dear diary, friends - Freeform, highschool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-11 15:44:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12938472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FennigBlue/pseuds/FennigBlue
Summary: Billie Hobbs deals with losing her best friend the only way she can. She takes back to writing in her diary, talking about her journey and thoughts. Will she endure the pain and forget him? Or will she forgive him?⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃"I remember the day so clearly as if it happened only a second ago. I tried, god did I try, to wash it away from my mind, to not think about it ever again, but you know how those things go, the harder you try, the more you remember. It's agonizing. I want to start over, to go back to where I met him, to where he saved me, to where I was just a small little girl, naive to what's around me and how cruel the world is. But I can't."⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃All rights reserved





	1. Chapter 1

P L A Y L I S T :

-Zack Hemsey - The Way  
-Zack Hemsey - Waiting Between Worlds  
-Deadmau5 - Bleed  
-Hammock - Mono No Aware  
-Hammock - Dark Beyond The Blue  
-Last Days - Your Silence Is The Loudest Sound  
-Mattia Cupelli - Love & Loss  
-Hammock - Ten Thousand Years Won't Save Your Life  
-Ethos Music - Nothing Left To Lose  
-Sam Tinnesz - Hold On For Your Life  
-Chord Overstreet - Hold On  
-Lord Huron - The Night We Met


	2. "Help"

14 January 1987

Am I supposed to feel this way? Like someone just ripped my heart out of my chest and stepped on it over and over until all is left is nothing. Tell me how to get better, how to get back on my feet and fight because I am failing, miserably. I don't think that I can take it anymore, the pain, the late night cries into my pillow, the never-ending conversations in my head that keep going and going. Never do they cease. It's almost like they want me to know, to know that I can never get away, away from this life, away from them. Away from me. So please help me, I am begging you to help me before I fear it will be too late.


	3. "New Day"

15 January 1987

It's a new day, a new start, a new everything. At least that's what it used to be, like a second chance at life. But it seems like it doesn't work for me because they are still there, even when they're not. It's weird. I try to sike myself out and tell myself

"it's a new day anything can happen."

"Don't let anything bring you down." but in the end, I fail.


	4. "Him"

06 March 1987

I met someone new. He helped. He pushed them away, I don't know how, but I'm grateful. He said that I can go to him for anything. But I feel like I can't. Not fully yet, but maybe later on.


	5. "Sanctuary"

20 April 1987

Ever since he came he steered me into the light, so to speak. He keeps me happy, and safe. I never had someone do this for me, and I don't know if I want it to stop or if I want him to keep going? I'm confused.


	6. "Disappeared"

25 November 1987

He left, he disappeared when I needed him the most. I should have known. I knew this would happen but I wanted, desperately, to be wrong and for him to prove to me he wasn't like the rest. But he left like the wind blows through the night. You never see them again and when you need it the most they are gone, forever gone and there is nothing you can do about. I guess I should get used to this, being alone.


	7. "Strength & Cowardliness"

30 November 1987

I'm trying to hold on to the light but the darkness is much stronger. I feel like I'm suffocating like water is filling my lungs and I have nothing to save me. He left, my rock, my best friend, he left me at my weakest and I'm crashing, crumbling in my own despair. I can't tell anyone, my parents, my sister. They wouldn't get it, they would just brush me off and say "you're just a teenager you'll grow out of this", but I'm not, I'm still that young girl no one knew. That girl that everyone called a freak. He was all I had. He had my heart, my soul, my dreams and he just took them and crushed them when he left. When he left it felt like a punch to the face, that I would never see him again, well I would still see but never like before.


	8. "New Year New Problems"

10 February 1988

It happened again. I bumped into him, God I feel like an idiot. How could I think he stilled cared. I guess I was holding on to false hope. Why do I keep running into him, can't I get away from the person that made me this way? Does he have a plan for me or is he just torturing me? I try to move on, to make new friends but I can't get out of my shell of awkwardness. And why would anyone want to hang out with me let alone be in the same vicinity of me?


	9. "Cleansed"

12 April 1988

I decided. I am going through with it. No one is going to stop me. I will finally be rid of my demons, the darkness that has been consuming like water fills a pool; slowly. I have been pondering if I should go through and then I think about my family and how they would react, but I can't stand it anymore, I need to get away. Maybe I'm being irrational about this whole thing, I don't know. All I know is that I'll get to go back into the light and be in my own paradise, whatever that might be.


	10. "Failure"

14 April 1988

It didn't work, I was fighting myself the whole way through. I tried, at least I can say I tried. But I wish I could say I succeeded. Now I am left with dealing with my consequences. I keep telling them that "I'm alright." "You don't need to worry about me." But in fact, I feel they do need to worry because I am going to do it again. And this time I'm going to succeed.


	11. “Failure” cont.

14 April 1988

It's cold there. I never expected it to be. It feels as if winter came and never left. I miss the warmth, but I find some relief being cold, like I finally found where I am supposed to be.


	12. “Guilt”

15 April 1989

It's been a year, a full year without him and I don't know how I'm holding on. I thought I would be gone, insane by now, but for some reason I'm still here and believe me I don't want to be. I wished, begged, to be gone by now but it seems no one is listening to me. Is it to much to ask for to leave and never come back? Is it to much to ask for, anything? I visited him. Some may say that what I did was brave and strong, but I saw it as weakness; vulnerability. I'm supposed to be getting better, getting over him, but I can’t. I can't. How can I get over the person that kept me sane for what felt longer than I've been insane? How can I forget the memories of the one person that, for once, got me and not just said they got me, but actually knew where I was coming from? Its simple you can’t. You can’t.   
I wished it was me that was there, not him. For, longer than I wished, I blamed him. I blamed him for the accident, the day he left, everything I could think of. And in return I got “kidnapped” by the darkness. He was the reason why I'm like this, crying and having panic attacks every waking moment. Now all I have left of him is a slab of cobble with his name written across it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the end of Billie’s journey.  
> Hopefully you guys liked the story.


	13. “Memory”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Billie’s last entry.

23 February 1990

I remember the day so clearly as if it happened only a second ago. I tired, god did I try, to wash it away from my mind, to not think about it ever again, but you know how those things go, the harder you try, the more you remember. Its agonizing. I want to start over, to go back to where I met him, to where he saved me, to where I was just a small little girl, naive to what’s around me and how cruel the world is. But I can’t, and knowing that makes me cry and want to shrivel up and die. A part of me is glad that I left, left the place that caused every painful thing to me. But with me leaving, is me leaving every beautiful memory he and I made. We had a tradition, if one of us felt our feelings getting the best of us we would go up to Little Creek Mountain. And scream, and did we scream. We screamed and screamed until our voices gave out. Then we drank until all we felt was nothing. We were numb to the pain we felt only moments ago. Though the next day we would feel the consequences of our actions, I wouldn’t trade it for anything because I got to spend my most scariest moments with the only person I loved.   
I wished he survived. I wished that he would’ve made it and would’ve been here with me, but there is no such thing as a time machine, though I wish there was. But is it such a bad thing that he didn’t make it? Because then I wouldn’t be where I am today.  
But god do I wish I could I go be with him.


End file.
